What is Skillful Feedback?

It is a gift of sharing honestly about what matters and impacts you. It requires, and is, an act of trust-building and faith in human potential for empathy and growth.

Skillful feedback is:

1. GOOD FOR THE GIVER: It helps keep motivation and trust high, when team members practice and learn how to safely navigate challenges honestly without blame and judgment.  
2. GOOD FOR RECEIVER: This feedback helps the receiver better understand their impact and often would be unknowable, without the giver’s perspective and honesty. This helps the receiver better understand working with that team member and navigate working with future teams better. 
3. GOOD FOR THE TEAM: Unexpressed feedback often creates tension that impacts the whole team. If that tension is left unaddressed and especially if it shifts to being only expressed passively or as gossip

Process for giving skillful feedback in a meeting:

1. Find a consensually good time to give feedback. Make sure the giver is prepared and the receiver is also prepared to be present and in a non-defensive and receptive place. Ideally, as soon as you notice an impact try to schedule a time to share feedback.

“Do you have time now or could we schedule a time for me to share feedback with you about something that is impacting me? I need to share with you something and would love for you to be fully present to hear it.”

2. When you meet, the giver should share their intentions and desire for giving feedback, which might include keeping connection and honesty in the team, as well as creating a strategy for the future. 

3. The giver should start by giving a direct observation of one specific example of what happened. It’s ideal to start with one example, rather than a laundry list. This doesn’t include interpretations, opinions or stories about what happened, just what a camera would catch.

For example: “Last week, I noticed you arrived 30 minutes late to our team meeting. That’s the third meeting where that has happened. “

4. The giver should then share the impact of that observation

“When that happens, I notice I feel frustrated and the impact is that when our meetings come I don’t want to show up on time and wait and we aren’t getting much done in our meetings, because they are cut short by the latenness.

5. If the receiver gets caught getting defensive and unable to listen, try to reiterate that this is not personal and is focused on getting everyone to work best together. It’s solution oriented, not blame oriented.

6. Get curious about their experience. Ask questions of the Receiver. 

Does that make sense to you? 

What comes up for you hearing this?

What’s going on that’s making this occur? 

What could you or we do together to change this dynamic? 

7. Make specific requests if you have ideas about how to mitigate the impacts and collaborate on a win-win strategy.

Feedback Formula for Giving Feedback:

1. Retain (what to keep)
2. Add (what to increase or add next time)
3. Subtract (what to decrease or remove)

We use this format for these types of feedback because it depersonalizes feedback and helps folks be more specific.